GRACE in Marriage.

Pdt Victor Liu
Ringkasan khotbah 27 November 2023

Prinsip atau kebenaran kotbah Minggu ini bisa berlaku dalam relasi satu sama lainnya, perteman kita atau khususnya dalam pernikahan kita. Saya mengikuti Paul David Tripp dalam menjelaskan nats ini dan mengambil prinsip yang diberikannya.

2 Korintus 5:14-15
[14] Sebab kasih Kristus yang menguasai kami, karena kami telah mengerti, bahwa jika satu orang sudah mati untuk semua orang, maka mereka semua sudah mati.
[15] Dan Kristus telah mati untuk semua orang, supaya mereka yang hidup, tidak lagi hidup untuk dirinya sendiri, tetapi untuk Dia, yang telah mati dan telah dibangkitkan untuk mereka.

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5:14‭-‬15‬ ‭NET‬‬
[14] For the love of Christ controls us, since we have concluded this, that Christ died for all; therefore all have died.
[15] And he died for all so that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised.

Intro

Why is it so difficult in relationship? Two person with different genders, backgrounds, ages, personalities, educations, or families will have problems when they will make a relationship. Kita semangat untuk mempunyai teman, mempunyai pacar atau membangun suatu pernikahan tetapi tidak siap atau tidak mengerti bahwa membangun relasi itu tidak mudah. Ketidakdewasaan secara emosi dan pikiran merusak semangat untuk membina relasi. Childish emotionally always have difficult relationships. kekanak-kanakan secara emosional, childish emotionally, selalu sulit membangun relasi. The root of this problem is in ourselves because our tendency as human being controlled by our selfishness.

Ills. Saya semangat untuk mendapatkan pacar, calon isteri, waktu kuliah & sudah mengajar serta jadi ketua asama Abraham di sekolah kita tercinta, STTII Yogya (1983) TETAPI hubungan hampir selesai; 3 kali saya memutuskan hubungan dengan emosi karena ada permasalahan dan 3 kali Maria, pacar & sekarang isteri saya, memberi kesempatan dengan sabarnya. Demikian juga awal pernikahan saya yang penuh pergumulan. Semangat pacaran & semangat nikah tapi tidak mempersiapkan diri dengan baik untuk membina suatu relasi yang serius, makin dalam dan terbuka.

Two, 2, living lifestyles

(1) Living in selfishness, HIDUP DALAM KEEGOISAN, lihat 2 Kor 5:15.

DNA Sin according Paul in v 15 is selfishness, live for themselves. Paul David Tripp menyatakan bahwa DNA dosa adalah selfishness, keegoisme dan dosa itu membuat kita antisosial, fokus on me, dan dosa itu membuat kita tidak hidup sesuai tujuan-Nya, sin dehumanises us.

Sin makes us antisocial. We become focus on our self, not others. Sin dehumanises us. We created to worship God and blessing or have good relationship with others. Sin destroys this purpose. Man focuses himself. He becomes king for his life, his kingdom. Sin is doing what ever I want as I please. The problem of your marriage or your relationship is YOU, your selfishness.

Lifestyle of kingdom of self– mark by indulging our sinful nature (lihat Galatia 5:13)– indulging your selfishness– memanjakan, memuaskan, FEED memeberi makan terus apa yang diri kita mau..

Hancurnya suatu relasi atau suatu pernikahan karena ikuti desire, thought, emosi your heart.
Manipulate people into service in my kingdom

Good marriage or good relationship in friendship says no to my self and says yes to one another.

Lifestyle of kingdom of self marked by controlling or manipulate the relationship. I am in charge. I am the king. Others or my spouse should serve my wants, my expectation, my choices, my desire, my feeling. Always focuses on ME, selfishness.

Lifestyle of kingdom of self also marked by high expectations that only God can fulfill them. You should make me happy, comfort, peace, joy, pleasure. Relationship or marriage focuses on my happiness, my joy, my acceptance, my achievement, my comfort. But a good relationship or marriage should focus on commitment, giving or sacrifice.

2. Living by His grace– HIDUP DALAM KASIH KARUNIA YESUS KRISTUS.

CURE–Jesus is the solution of the root problem in human being relationship. He rescues you, from you, your sin, your selfishness. Verse 15, And he died for all so that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised.

Oleh karena iman dalam Kristus dan menjadi pengikut Kristus, kita tidak lagi hidup dikuasai oleh diri kita sendiri, selfishness, dan tidak hidup untuk diri sendiri tetapi hidup baru, suatu kehidupan untuk Yesus Kristus yang sudah mati dan bangkit dari kematian bagi kita orang yang berdosa, tak layak ini. Hidup bagi atau untuk Yesus artinya kita hidup berdasarkan gaya hidup-Nya, berdasarkan kasih karunia-Nya pada kita. Hidup berdasarkan kasih karunia-Nya ini merupakan dasar hubungan kita pada orang berdosa, pada musuh, sesama teman pengikut Kristus, serta pada hubungan suami isteri. Dengan pola pandang yang baru dan gaya hidup yang baru, maka dalam ayat 17 kita disebut sebagai suatu ciptaan baru dalam Kristus Yesus, a new creation.

* Kasih yang sejati terlihat ketika dalam membina hubungan pertemanan atau dalam pernikahan ada kejelekan, kesalahan dari pasangan kita atau teman kita. Your real love reveals in a mistake, conflict, adjustment, misconduct, or miscommunication. Yesus Kristus mengetahui dan melihat kita ketika kita berbuat suatu kesalahan atau dosa tetapi kasih karunia-Nya diberikan bagi kita; kasih karunia-Nya memanggil kita agar kita bertobat, berpaling dan berlari pada-Nya. Kesabaran dalam kasih-Nya membawa kita pada pertobatan dan memanggil kita untuk mengasihi, menyembah-Nya. Dan kasih inilah yang kita hidupkan, berikan pada pasangan kita atau pada teman kita.

Jesus frees you from bandage you unrealistic expectation ( only Jesus is the source of your happiness, joy, comfort, acceptance, love, satisfaction in your relationship or your marriage, not others or your spouse). Jesus also frees you to control your relationship. Let Him and His amazing grace control your relationship. He is in charge your relationship, not you, self, selfishness in charge any more. And lastly, Jesus frees you from your self righteousness. Jesus becomes your righteousness.

3 marks of lifestyle of living by His grace. Penerapan untuk kita: 3 ciri gaya hidup yang berdasarkan kasih karunia-Nya.

# A. Gaya hidup yang merupakan suatu komitmen ( A COMMITMENT LOVE LIKE JESUS’S LOVE) berdasarkan pada kasih Yesus Kristus. Kasih Yesus Kristus ditandai dengan kasih yang total komitment pada kita, unconditional love, sacrificial love, forgiven & caring love.

Pada orang berdosa, pada musuh, sesama teman pengikut Kristus, serta pada hubungan suami isteri selalu didasarkan pada kasih Yesus Kristus pada kita, menurut pengajaran Firman Tuhan.

Perhatikan “kasih Kristus menguasai kami” dalam ayat 14a. Kasih Kristus atau the love of Christ bisa berarti kasih Paulus pada Kristus. Kedua, bisa berarti Kristus mengasihi Paulus. Atau ketiga, bisa berarti kasih Kristus menjamah, bekerja dalam diri Paulus sehingga ia mengasihi Kristus dengan sukarela. Pengertian ke tiga ini yang digunakan dalam kotbah ini.

Artinya kasih Yesus Kristus inilah yang menguasai, mengontrol, memerintah, mempengaruhi atau menjadi penggerak dalam hubungan dengan sesama, dalam kehidupan dan pelayanan Paulus. Sebelumnya Paulus tidak mempunyai kasih ini, tetapi sesudah menerima kasih Yesus, orang yang sangat berdosa, tak layak, diberikan kasih karunia, pengampunan dan kehidupan baru dalam Kristus, mengubah kehidupan Paulus.

Kasih Yesus merupakan suatu komitmen yang terus menerus kita jaga, BUKAN berdasarkan PERASAAN karena perasaan bisa PUDAR ( FADING), SEKEJAP (FLEETING), atau bisa HILANG (LOOSING). Kasih Yesus Krustua merupakan suatu komitmen untuk menghidupkan meskipun ada pengorbanan, pengampunan dan pengasuhan ( caring) yang harus kita berikan.

Giving Grace, pengampunan, is not saying wrong to be a truth. Grace is not forgetting what is wrong. Giving grace realising that we are mess, His grace is enough. Grace is not only focus on past life & future but Now — in your mess, in your struggling life, you have a satisfying redeemer who always to be with us & to help us. Giving grace berarti selalu ingat bahwa grace of God artinya suatu pemberian bagi yang tak layak menerimanya. Kita yang sudah menerima kasih-Nya, dengan percaya pada Yesus Kristus sebagai Tuhan & Juruselamat kita yang berdosa ini, memberikan kasih itu pada lainnya.

# B. Gettimg close, not turning away when we have a conflict, a mistake or disagreement. Hidup dalam kasih karunia-Nya berarti kita makin mendekat, bukan makin menjauh ketika ada masalah konflik, kesalahan, penyesuaian atau ketidakcocokan.

Four, 4, possibilities our roles when we are in conflict, or disagreement

@ A judge, a hammer

@ No discussion, silent or a fragile.

@ Fighting — becoming fighters, blaming, excusing or defending for our opinion, focus on our self righteousness

@ Telling the truth in love– the biblical way.

Living by His grace means we speak truth in love. To speak truth in love we should have 2 qualities: humbly approachable (membuka diri, bisa disentuh dengan rendah hati) & courageously honest ( jujur dengan kebesaran hati). Selalu ingat bahwa Yesus sudah menerima kita, sudah mengasihi kita sehingga kita tidak perlu takut terlihat atau membuka diri penuh kekurangan. Jangan cepat untuk mempertahankan diri.

Quote Tim Keller about speaking the truth with love, The Meaning of Marriage

*Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it. God’s saving love in Christ, however, is marked by both radical truthfulness about who we are and yet also radical, unconditional commitment to us. The merciful commitment strengthens us to see the truth about ourselves and repent. The conviction and repentance moves us to cling to and rest in God’s mercy and grace.

Living by His grace means that we can see our friends or our spouse as His tool to transform us to be like Christ. Quote from Paul David Tripp.

* When your ears hear and your eyes see the sin, weakness, or failure of your husband or wife, it is never an accident; it is always grace. God loves your spouse, and he is committed to transforming him or her by his grace, and he has chosen you to be one of his regular tools of change.

What happen when your feeling of love dry up? Living by His grace means in this conflict or this situation your acting of love or your commitment love controls, reigns, influences your attitude and your behaviour.
Quote from Tim keller, The Meaning of Marriage.

*In any relationship, there will be frightening spells in which your feelings of love dry up. And when that happens you must remember that the essence of marriage is that it is a covenant, a commitment, a promise of future love. So what do you do? You do the acts of love, despite your lack of feeling. You may not feel tender, sympathetic, and eager to please, but in your actions you must BE tender, understanding, forgiving and helpful. And, if you do that, as time goes on you will not only get through the dry spells, but they will become less frequent and deep, and you will become more constant in your feelings. This is what can happen if you decide to love.

# C. Keep learning with open heart. Teruslah belajar dengan hati terbuka.

According to various studies, the 4 most common causes of divorce are lack of commitment, infidelity or extramarital affairs, too much conflict and arguing, and lack of physical intimacy.

BUT Jesus said that the root of problem the end of marriage or relationship is hard heart. Keep learning, keep having soft heart– not stubborn or having hard heart. A heart hard means your heart condition is hard like stone, you have your opinion that you do not want change or follow Jesus’s Word. If you have a hard heart means that you do not to learn any more, YOU STOP TO LEARN & OPEN YOUR HEART, you do not want to open your heart, you are a self righteous person and you are a king of your self, not Jesus & His words reign in your heart, mind, your choice and your truth.

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭19:8‬ ‭ESV‬‬
[8] He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

* If you stop learning, you are dead, Dr. Howard Hendrick.